EP 133: 6 Pillars of Fruitful Leadership at Work and Home with Author Dr. Zac Bauermaster

I was fortunate to sit down with Zac Bauermaster, whose journey has not only shaped him into such a leader but also led him to pen the treasure trove of wisdom that is "Leading with People." Venture with us through the pillars of this insightful book, where Zac decodes the PEOPLE acronym—Prioritize, Empathize, Observe, Pray, Love, Encourage—and applies it to fortify our leadership skills, whether we're at the helm of a family or steering a professional team.


JUMP RIGHT TO IT:

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10:15 Finding Identity and Security in Faith

18:07 Would you Rather with Zac Bauermaster

23:38 6 Pillar Framework

49:27 Connecting With Zac Bauermaster

CONNECT WITH ZAC:

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Instagram: @ZBauermaster

X: @ZBauermaster

Facebook: @ZacBauermaster@ZacBauermaster @ZacBauermaster

Website: www.zacbauermaster.com

Purchase Zac’s Books here - Leading With People: A Six Pillar Framework for Fruitful Leadership: https://www.zacbauermaster.com/books

Zac’s Favorite verse 1 Thessalonians 5:11 

Wild Interest

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:22

Hello and welcome back to the Imperfectly Empowered podcast. I am your host, anna Fulmer. Today we have an old friend of mine. His name is Zach Bowermaster. Zach is a principal author and speaker, passionate about encouraging others to grow as leaders inside and out, empowering us to grow our vertical relationship with God and spread it horizontally to the people we lead, especially our families. Welcome author and speaker, zach Bowermaster. Zach, welcome to the show.

Speaker 2: 0:54

Thanks, anna, appreciate you having me on again. It's great to be here.

Speaker 1: 0:58

It's fun to have you again. For those of you listening and watching. Zach and I were talking and he was looking at my chair and you said I sat in that chair and I was like what? And then we were remembering after school one time he used to be the principal of my kid's school. He had to quick do a podcast. He's done many podcasts and we lived right down the roads. We're like, yeah, come on over. So it's fun swapping podcasts again with another book.

Speaker 2: 1:23

Yeah, no, a lot of fun. Like I said, I remember being in that seat. You said I remember I think I messaged you and I said, hey, we have a school board meeting. I don't like to do podcasts from school. Can I use your area? I said, like your fancy area. You're like, believe me, it's not really that fancy in the seat.

Speaker 1: 1:43

And you saw it really wasn't. It was like tucked into a closet in the house that we're still renting currently.

Speaker 2: 1:49

Yeah now, it's a nice little corner in there.

Speaker 1: 1:51

Yeah, it is really an honor to have you back on. For those of you that were not familiar with Zach, he wrote a previous book trying to remember the title here Leading with a Humble Heart A 40 Day Devotional for Leaders. I read that one as well. It is a really great book. This one's fun the Leading with People it's. I think it's a little bit more like it is framework driven. So those of you that love acronyms, you're going to love this. We love acronyms in medicine. I don't know about education, but in medicine everything's about acronyms.

Speaker 2: 2:28

So for those of you that like acronyms? There's a lot of acronyms in education.

Speaker 1: 2:33

Yeah, man, I don't know what.

Speaker 1: 2:35

We just like to be creative and fancy, but you're going to love this book.

Speaker 1: 2:39

But one of the things that I want to start with is you start in the first chapter which I thought was apropos, considering the book is pillars, the idea of pillars, and you start with the concept of setting a foundation and before you dove into the pillars and I think this is true of anything in our lives and we don't think about it this way, and this was one of the reasons we don't actually see the results that we want in our life is because before we dive into any type of framework or pillars that we want to establish whether they be health and fitness pillars right, it's like we set up these diet pillars in our life that we want to start implementing, or or exercise pillars or relational pillars, we often neglect to consider the foundation that we're working off of.

Speaker 1: 3:31

And if that foundation isn't set and you're not clear on on your why for one and what the problem is that you're actually trying to solve with the pillars, which I think often comes with the foundation the pillars are, in essence, going to be fairly ineffective. So I'd love to hear your you know your own personal story of foundation and what really led you to even considering this need for these pillars in your life.

Speaker 2: 3:59

Yeah. So that's. I mean, that's spot on, because the book focuses on an acronym of the word people. So and we'll probably dive into it more the P is prioritized people. The E is empathized, the O is observed and respond with compassion. The second P is pray, the L is love and the E is encouraged. And that's in our roles, whether it's a mom, a dad, whether it's at your job, no matter what you're doing, that priority of people. But we want to be at our strongest and I know this gets talked about a lot, like putting on the oxygen mask for yourself first, and so you're, you're at your best for others.

Speaker 2: 4:37

And and that's where and even so, the first, my first edit of this book, I turned it into the publisher. He called me a few weeks later and he said you already have a book out. It's been well received, this book that you just wrote here and submitted. We need more Zach in it. So he encouraged me to be my authentic self. So what I did and I opened up the story with, I opened up the book with, when I was a seventh grade teacher and I was leading a meeting with the seventh grade team, I just became so overwhelmed and felt nauseous, so I said I don't feel well and I started to walk out and then I passed out and when I came to I was surrounded by a lot of people which would have been a.

Speaker 1: 5:20

You guys need to understand to how tall are you?

Speaker 2: 5:23

I'm six three. So I'm six three, 225. So a six three guy is passing out.

Speaker 1: 5:28

I mean, this would have been yeah disturbing for people to watch too probably.

Speaker 2: 5:32

No, you're, you're exactly right, I call myself the fainting goat. You know the good the goats faint, but so that I mean that certainly ties into it. That was part of so. So I come to and I'm surrounded by the school nurse, the assistant principal, a couple of teachers and they're checking my blood sugar and all these sorts of things. They walk me to the nurse's office, escorting me again. I'm six foot three, they're escorting me and here, here's the scary thing. Well, I thought so.

Speaker 2: 6:03

I had been hiding a secret. I was battling significant anxiety and depression and I wasn't telling anybody about it, and one of my worst fears was that happening where I would get so nauseous and I would go down and then it's almost like all my story is exposed. Yeah, honestly, I wouldn't change it for the world. I'm glad it happened. And I remember calling a mentor of mine, one person that I had been working with, and he said I told him. He said, hey, you just survived your biggest fear, like it's going to be okay, but anyway.

Speaker 2: 6:35

So, starting at that point, I was able to go back then and unpack it a little bit and it truly opened up my eyes to how much I was really walking alone, so how much I need people in my life. First, this was a time where it really drew me closer to the Lord quiet mornings in scripture and in prayer, just memorizing scripture, so really building my relationship with God, that vertical relationship, but then also being able to them what the book talks about then spread that horizontally to the people who are in our lives, and we can't do it without my relationship with God. But it truly opened up my eyes, not just that relationship but the need to be in community and surround myself with people so in the first chapter before we even really dive into it.

Speaker 2: 7:23

I talk about building the foundation. I talk about Bible reading, memorizing scripture. I talk about prayer. I talk about who's coming with you. Mentorships are there people that you're mentoring a close group of people? I talk about stepping outside your comfort zones because I think I think I got really comfortable and this was a situation in my life that started to really stretch me outside my comfort zone, as I started to open up and share with more people. And so, honestly, in my weakest moment is was a situation where I was becoming stronger and my foundation was really being built. And I know foundation is not something we can just build and forget about. We need to continue to maintain that foundation. But again and things like these are certainly well received people really appreciate strengths and your accomplishments, but they definitely connect with weaknesses and vulnerability.

Speaker 1: 8:20

Yeah, yeah, well, and it's like you can't. It's really hard to grow stronger if you can't identify your weak points, and the challenge is not living in the weakness, like that's one of the things that sometimes you can get caught in. I'm just not good at this, and it becomes almost like a worth statement as opposed to being like. Well, actually, in my weakness he has made strong. Yeah, you know, I'm being able to leverage. Leverage that in a way that actually ends up being for our good, not for our downfall.

Speaker 1: 8:50

There's something you said, though, that I would love to highlight, because I think this is a piece that is so hard to recognize in our life. You mentioned that you were, you were alone, but I think this is the this is the subtle misunderstanding about loneliness is having, I mean, knowing you, and we have very similar family dynamics. Like you were probably rarely alone, like you're not the guy that has no family, you know who is estranged from extended family, who doesn't have social connections or who struggles to interact with people on a daily basis. We're really similar in a lot of ways, like connections, probably strengths of ours. So, you know, I want to pause there for a second, because I know what you're saying and I think there's a lot of people, especially men, who I think struggle with this more is help clarify for us what you were feeling when you said I was walking alone, because to the external I I am sure you weren't actually alone. So what does that look like and what does that feel like? And then what changed practically?

Speaker 2: 10:11

Great point. I was surrounded by a lot of people. So I was surrounded by a lot of people. So my wife, carly, had two kids at the time and you know, I was a teacher, I was a coach and I think the biggest thing is this it was keeping this story inside.

Speaker 2: 10:29

Like, hey, I started to feel like you know what, I'm battling something, and I remember I wanted to be in moments with my kids. I'm supposed to feel happy. I couldn't sleep. So I had a lot of physical symptoms and I know we've talked about that a little bit before nausea, the heart's racing, always checking my heartbeat, went to the doctors a couple of times because I thought, hey, maybe something's wrong with my heart. Everything was checking out okay. But and all that time I was keeping it inside. So in my head I was building it up, and it became and I was magnifying this and it became bigger and bigger and bigger, and to the point I slowly started to say some things to my wife, like I just slowly started to trickle it out there, like, hey, I think I'm struggling a little bit. I had never felt anything like that.

Speaker 1: 11:18

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 11:18

A coach, a parent, a teacher, like everything had always gone according to plan and it's like I kept checking these boxes. But I kept feeling worse and I think that that's the biggest thing when I almost chose to be alone and I slowly started to distance myself. Where I didn't want to feel nauseous, I didn't want to have that feeling of going out in public, so I would actually fake sick to my wife, say, oh, I'm not feeling too well, and I would. I started. It caused me to start to distance myself from even people around me.

Speaker 1: 11:55

Yeah, and what I'm hearing is, I mean, the takeaway that I'm getting is the idea of it's almost like an emotional loneliness. It's that idea that there's not a sense of comfort and security in being vulnerable and so in keeping it in, it's not that you're socially alone, but it's a sense of if I share this and make myself uncomfortable one, it might be a hit to my pride because I should have it all together, and two, then I have to talk about it. Right, I think this is what keeps us back, is it's like I don't feel good keeping it in, but if I let it out, then I inherently have to talk about it, which is also uncomfortable. So I feel like that's the loneliness.

Speaker 2: 12:47

And that's immediately how I felt. When I opened my eyes and realized I had passed out at school, I was like, oh no, my worst fear.

Speaker 1: 12:54

You're like don't look at me, Just don't look at me.

Speaker 2: 12:57

Yeah, I know, like I had, just like you said, I thought I have to have it all together. I need to be strong for my kids, for the team, the kids in my class, and that time I felt so vulnerable. But, like I said, it's been such a blessing and I would encourage anyone listening who is struggling or just open up to people. Start to tell your story Because and I say this in a humble way now there's two books written that have really stemmed from this journey of my life, where I just started to talk more and now like different opportunities to speak to different groups. So now I talk about it a lot, but and like I said, those difficult times are really where and I know God softened and shapeens me, shapeens for what lies ahead for me Now. I was teaching there, I've gone on, now I'm a principal and just have some really neat leadership experiences that I know God was preparing before.

Speaker 2: 13:55

And certainly I always say this in my upbringing there wasn't a day, there hasn't been a day, I haven't known Jesus, just a wonderful upbringing. But it also went very well and, as I said, it also went according to plan. And then sometimes you think you're going to get married, all right, that'll fully satisfy me. Well, we're going to have kids Now I'm fully satisfied. Or I get that job, that's it.

Speaker 2: 14:17

And it's like I got that feeling where I was searching for my identity and those things and I played college sports and that came to a close. So people always chase things, so I'm, especially this year. I always pick a word of the year, my words follow and I think of Psalm 23 in David the Lord is my shepherd and talks about, he leads me by still waters, he restores my. So he, and just that idea of to truly lead we need to be following, and I think that's been just that identity for my identity in Christ, versus all those earthly things that I tend to like to pursue but they don't fully satisfy me. It's almost always a what's next? But I also struggle because I want to maximize. I want people to maximize the gifts God has given them as well.

Speaker 2: 15:04

So that's, certainly taking risks, and that's certainly trying things.

Speaker 1: 15:09

Yeah, yeah, well, and I think it speaks to the idea of, yeah, not just identity, but also a sense of where do you truly find your security and your experience of you know, if we're talking from a faith walk, it's the difference of knowing Jesus and experiencing Jesus. Right, it's like you can know of somebody you know when you're dating. It's like you hear of someone oh, I know of him, I might even know a lot about him, but that's not what inherently creates that intimate relationship. It's the experience, it's the being together and experiencing the emotions that come from that. That is ultimately what ends up translating the knowledge into that intimate relationship, and that's really what those difficult times, at least in my life, do for us is. It takes the knowledge and now suddenly it turns it into an intimate experience, because now there's a dependence that requires me to trust in him when I have nothing else. I'm laying on the floor looking at everyone.

Speaker 2: 16:21

Yeah, no, that's.

Speaker 1: 16:22

I mean, that's so looking down at me.

Speaker 2: 16:24

Yeah, I read this morning in Psalm when David said when I felt secure, I thought I won't be shaken Like just when we there's. There's times we felt that we feel secure and like we're in control. But you're building that trust. It's not, it's not knowing. And I like what you're talking about there, that idea of knowledge, almost knowledge versus wisdom, and I heard a quote once knowledge is knowing tomatoes of fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit bowl when you know it and it's, and then like it's as we read the Bible, it's not just to know about God, like you're saying, it's to know.

Speaker 1: 17:02

Well then, to take that analogy a step further than I would argue, so there's like knowledge, wisdom, but then the experience is then eating the tomato, right?

Speaker 1: 17:11

It's like taking it that step further, where it's not just knowing God, it's not just knowing about God and living with wisdom, but then it is that intimate experience that feels really intangible because it's it's a spiritual transaction that is different than a human to human one, and so it's hard for us to comprehend, and yet it's so very real. And the best time to experience it is in those broken moments, which I think you frame really well in your first book. I remember having this conversation in leading with a humble heart, I think that is. I think you dive into that more. So for anyone who is kind of in that place and wants to dive more into that idea of what is it like to just allow yourself to be broken in humility, I think that devotionals are really great, and of course we'll have the links to these books in the show notes Before we dive into leading with people. Zach probably remembers this before, but we're going to play a, would you rather again?

Speaker 2: 18:07

Oh no, I'm nervous. Oh no, today, what do you have?

Speaker 1: 18:10

today. You have no idea what's coming. Ok, would you rather? I can't remember what I asked you last time. So it's like having dementia right, it's like an experience every day. Here we are. Would you rather own a personal yacht or a private jet?

Speaker 2: 18:27

Private jet.

Speaker 1: 18:29

Let's, let's get where are you taking Harley to in your private jet.

Speaker 2: 18:32

I have a jet, let's. Let's go to Hawaii, let's go to Hawaii. I also need to go to another country. I'll be honest I've never been outside the country. No, I have been. I just went to Mexico. You know what? I went to Mexico. In the fall, I have been outside the country, but no comment.

Speaker 1: 18:52

No comment. Yes, Mexico is outside of the United States.

Speaker 2: 18:55

Yeah, I'm like hey, I used to teach social studies and geography.

Speaker 1: 18:59

Like I said, no comment, I'm here to be supportive. Yeah, actually, Hawaii. Honestly, hawaii, on that note, kind of feels like a different country, like it's such a unique. Anyone who's been here for a long time has heard me talk about Hawaii so many times. Because I love Hawaii, but it's like the blessing of the convenience of still being in the United States, but it feels like a completely different country. It's just beautiful. I love Hawaii. Ok, would you rather you can go back in time, so time is no issue here, but would you rather watch Michael Jordan in his prime playing basketball or LeBron James in his time prime playing basketball?

Speaker 2: 19:42

Michael Jordan.

Speaker 1: 19:44

I'm all.

Speaker 2: 19:45

I'm all in on Michael Jordan. I went through phases where I tried to.

Speaker 1: 19:48

I began a way more controversial subject right here.

Speaker 2: 19:52

I started to collect his sneakers and realized I couldn't keep up with collecting his sneakers. I got all, got all his some DVDs. I was a big. I was a big bulls fan in the 90s.

Speaker 1: 20:04

Yeah, I mean, Michael Jordan was our time. That was very much like.

Speaker 2: 20:07

I grew up with Michael Jordan. Oh, I was just a huge fan All those commercials, if I could be like Mike Gatorade.

Speaker 1: 20:14

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 20:15

But LeBron James is phenomenal. I'm not one who I'm not a LeBron hater. He is phenomenal, especially the duration of his career.

Speaker 1: 20:24

Yeah. But I'm, but he's no, michael Jordan, that's the bottom line yeah, would you rather candy or baked goods?

Speaker 2: 20:34

Love them both. Love them both.

Speaker 1: 20:36

That's not a question.

Speaker 2: 20:38

Yeah, I'm going to go candy. I love candy. Growing up my sister had to hide their candy from me and I would find it. I would get to a point where I would eat so much I'd be like it's best if I just finish it and maybe they'll forget it was there. Now my kids hide candy from me.

Speaker 1: 20:59

What's your favorite candy? What are you crushing?

Speaker 2: 21:03

I love Swedish fish. Sour patch kids.

Speaker 1: 21:06

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 21:08

That type of candy is phenomenal.

Speaker 1: 21:09

Yeah, I love baked goods. That's my husband too Great baked goods in Lancaster County. Yeah, welcome to Lancaster County. Our food pillars are butter and sugar.

Speaker 2: 21:19

All right, real quick. Your husband eats a lot of candy. The guy's ripped. The guy is ripped, he's ripped.

Speaker 1: 21:25

He's helping me get back in shape.

Speaker 2: 21:27

I saw him. He posted a picture of a weed whack and one time I was like I got to get back in shape.

Speaker 1: 21:33

I'm sure you are hardly in terrible shape either. But I should clarify he doesn't eat a ton of candy. But we're totally different in that, like I would take a baked good any day over sour patch kids where, like he would very much love, like sour patch kids, skittles, yeah.

Speaker 2: 21:51

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 21:52

No, I won't bake it.

Speaker 2: 21:53

Make sure you show him this part of the podcast.

Speaker 1: 21:57

That's getting a shout out. Okay, would you rather be a ninja or a pirate? This is a very serious question.

Speaker 2: 22:07

Ninja or a pirate? I think ninja Ninja sounds fun.

Speaker 1: 22:12

What would you do with your ninja skills?

Speaker 2: 22:15

I don't know. I just picture some, I don't know, I don't know. I read it right away. I thought sneak attack, sneak around. I don't know who I'd want to sneak attack them.

Speaker 1: 22:24

You're not really sure who you'd be attacking, but it'd be nice to have the skills, though. For sure it feels cool. Yeah, yeah, unless you're pulling, like Johnny Depp, vibes from Pirates of the Caribbean or something, and then it's like that's pretty cool too.

Speaker 2: 22:38

What was that other movie with Tom Hanks and the Somali pirates?

Speaker 1: 22:43

Oh, I don't know that one, I forget there was a.

Speaker 2: 22:45

I mean, obviously the pirates weren't good in that one, but they they were, well they. There was a good actor there made it look.

Speaker 1: 22:54

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 22:54

Made it look fascinating like the real, the real pirates out there. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 23:00

It is a wild. Yeah, the whole like the reality of what it would have been like once upon a time to be a even if you're not a pirate, but just on these ships with no lights, like we don't think about that, but their only fuel source would have been like a fire on a, like a porch. How dark it would have been in the middle of the ocean. I mean, it's really.

Speaker 2: 23:22

That's a creepy thought. Yeah. So ninja yeah we're going to stick with ninja.

Speaker 1: 23:28

We'll stick with our ninja skills on the land. So we talk about leading with people and I like how you started the book with this concept or trying to elucidate this idea of we want to align ourselves vertically to lead horizontally. Tell us, obviously, people, you need to get the book to read it, but give us this idea of the, the six pillar framework and how we are, in sort of short version, using people as an acronym to lead better in our families or in our workplaces, anywhere.

Speaker 2: 24:08

Yeah, a couple, a couple quotes that it's the people who make a place special. It's not what we have time for, it's who we have time for and we just I know I find myself when I write. It's always a reminder to myself.

Speaker 2: 24:22

We we, we exhaust ourselves with a never ending to do list and we miss the people in our lives, like we just get a head down mentality and it's in the prioritize section. I talk about how one time my wife sat down and she basically told me you're not practicing what you preach and our family coming a byproduct of it. So then I thought about the idea byproduct and it's a secondary, unintended result and that froze me. That's no way. That's no way what I wanted my family to be. But I realized I do the same thing at work. Where you come in, you have a list. I want to make sure I get these things done and people become a byproduct and, unintended, a secondary result, instead of prioritizing those things that we focus on.

Speaker 2: 25:08

And one time I remember I was I would work hard all week and then Saturday I get to the point hey, it gives me a chance to get called up on work. And my wife said I don't want to see your laptop out this weekend. And I tried to, I got it out and she saw it. And then you know the times when you're just in trouble. Maybe you don't know this time, maybe Zach knows when he's in trouble. So I just start following her around the house because I want to make it, I want to make it all better. And I remember we were standing in your room and she said she told me. She said look around, zach, and there was a pile of laundry. And she said what if I always said there's just one more thing I need to finish before I'm with the kids? What if I always just said there's that one more thing I need to finish, I just have to do that? She said you say that all the time. I just have one more thing to finish, I just have this. And she said our relationship with the kids would suffer. And that that was a moment that really stood with me as far as even leading in my family but leading at work. And that's where that P really starts off with with prioritizing people. So that was just a powerful my wife. She has a lot of Carly, has a lot of wisdom, and that's something that just really stood with me with Prioritizing people.

Speaker 2: 26:16

And then in the book, under prioritized, I talk about the way we greet, prioritize the way we greet people using their name. Something else I include is prioritize your most precious crop and that's our family, and I share the story in there has my. We got a call that my 93 year old grandfather was passing away and we went to Western PA, drove three hours and we circled around for really his last days and our family always. We like to circle up and pray the bouts of our master family and I remember my cousin pray just sort of all the accomplishments of my grandfather.

Speaker 2: 26:49

We call him grandpa, but he said he was a humble farmer who always took care of his most precious crop, his family and again, that's something that's that stood with me, just taking care of those people right within our sphere of influence and helping them grow as leaders as well. So I'll often take those those learning moments in the home and and help myself and help others try to recognize that, that concept of prioritizing people. So I know I'm only talking about the P right now, but that's a little bit on prioritizing.

Speaker 1: 27:23

Yeah, and I think the the prioritize concept is just, it is really hard because we are also called to action. There are things that we need to do, but then learning how to fit that in so that it's not superseding people, it is hard. I mean, it's like this is me empathizing. Ah, it's a great segue into the next one, with that sense of like we are not going to get it perfectly, and I appreciate that you're so willing to make that point because, especially for those of us that are high achievers and and we feel called, we feel called to what we're doing and serving, but I don't believe that God will ever call us to something at the expense of our marriages and our families, specifically our kids, and so how do we live in that tension?

Speaker 1: 28:17

And I think David is one of my favorite examples of scripture, of living there. It's like he just owned it, that he was, he did it imperfectly and he grieved it, and then he apologized, he repented and he moved on Right. It's like that concept of I've been ordained but I'm exhausted, I'm human, I'm going to rejoice and then I'm going to suffer and then I'm going to move on and trust the Lord, like so to me, the prioritize for those of you being like it's so hard to do. I hear it, zach hears it. We're going to do it imperfectly, and then we take the community of people around us and learn.

Speaker 2: 28:49

Exactly, and it's that give yourself grace and it's not, and I think I think you're right, though I think we always need to stop and examine how are we leading in our homes? Because I'll be like I've been blessed with some opportunities now to expand into something like speaking with a school in Tennessee, speaking with a school in Tennessee or Virginia, or going to get invited to Georgia and I always pause and I never want to go there and talk to them about leadership or growing as a person If I'm not doing it in my home or where I'm serving at Providence Elementary School is principal.

Speaker 2: 29:28

I think that's always a good gauge of how things are going and deciding whether we take different opportunities depending on what season of life or what rhythm we're in, because there's certainly different rhythms and it's not so much a work-life balance, it's a work-life rhythm. Like Carly knows, there's different seasons of my work and we start to know that as a family, so everyone is different.

Speaker 1: 29:52

Yeah, yeah, absolutely we're empathizing.

Speaker 2: 29:57

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 29:57

Let's segue into the next one.

Speaker 2: 29:59

All right. What else about empathizing? So empathize, here's where I've like empathy, and then compassion where empathy would help me. So much was how I felt, as we shared a little bit earlier, with my anxiety and depression and no one could have guessed that. I guarantee no one could have guessed what I was feeling on the inside. So just going through that difficulty and trial certainly helps me in my lens of empathy and that's what I, at each chapter I start with a story so I really get detailed about my struggle with anxiety and just how I was feeling.

Speaker 2: 30:36

But then really going into, I'll talk in the empathy section a lot about slowing down and I use the analogy of a red light how, when we approach a yellow light, what we do is we often speed up and we go through it. When a yellow light, it's to cause us to slow down, take a look around. Should I still go or should I still not go, just depending on the light and where you are. But just how? When we slow down? Because when we're driving fast, things out of our line of sight are blurry, but when we slow down they become more clear and that's another thing.

Speaker 2: 31:08

So in empathy I really talk about slowing down and then listening, asking questions. I talk about asking some of the right questions and then learning to discern which will lead into the compassion and the observed part. What are the needs of others? So just, I'm a principal, so I walk around the hallways and, instead of just seeing the second grade teacher as a second grade teacher, there's a wife, there's a mom to two kids. The mom, the kid, has been sick, the kid is now in the hospital. So just really truly getting to learn stories and I really encourage people to share their story in there. But then it's really about slowing down and what lens are we seeing others through?

Speaker 1: 31:52

Yeah, and how do you encourage someone who does not? Because what you haven't said but this is true of empathy is you have to allow yourself to feel, and this is not natural for everyone, and some people grew up in an environment where deep emotions were either discouraged or, especially if they were uncomfortable, like no, we just keep it all peaceful. I think a core element to empathy is learning to slow down, not just to see what other people are feeling, but also slowing down in your own life and being willing to like you had to do, and I have certainly had to do feel even if it's uncomfortable and so it's like how do you encourage someone to start practicing that in their own life?

Speaker 1: 32:44

Because I do think the people who are doing that for themselves are the ones who inherently better at observing and empathizing with others. So in your own life or you know things that you have seen what would be a way that you could encourage I think men especially to grow in this way?

Speaker 2: 33:36

Yeah, again, so good, and I'll use. In November I actually I was hospitalized for six nights I low oxygen levels and, long story short, medical wise asthma with an upper respiratory, and I had an asthma as a kid but I couldn't breathe and I just I felt this suffering and it was a. I actually went home after three nights, then had to go back a day and a half later and I remember going in and I was like you know what? I actually deleted all social media apps off my phone and kept my phone away and I was like I just want to feel this suffering right now and sort of be alone with God and feel the suffering because I could easily distract myself.

Speaker 2: 34:23

I think we we distract ourselves so much and we don't we don't truly feel I do it way too often, whether it be the phone, social media, we go for those times. We never have like three to five minutes anymore of just sitting silence. It's a mindless scroll and I do it, I do it and I hate that I do it. But there's there's times when you just sit and you're still and listen to creativity who knows how much creativity that's. That's hindering Cause I realized I want to, I want to create. I want to continue to create, write and create content, but then I'll I'll realize how much time am I wasting, and then that even pulls our thoughts to all of different things.

Speaker 1: 35:04

Yeah, even if it's good even the good things are still keeping us. Yeah, I I like to say that busy is our self medication for reality.

Speaker 2: 35:14

Yeah, yeah, that's what. And I I tend to struggle more on weekends, I tend to struggle more over the summer, I tend to struggle more with downtime and I think so that's an area I still and that's my word of the year follow. Just how can I get into a place of of being able to follow and not always that go, go, go and just enjoying being still?

Speaker 2: 35:35

So, as you asked that. That's something I I really think about. Just let yourself, let yourself feel like avoid, limit those distractions, and then I also think you'll be able to get more of an honest reflection At the end of that book. I do lay out a 49 day action plan. It's based on seven by seven and one of the first parts of the empathy week is to open up and share your story with someone, because I think it's amazing how, when we open up and share our story, how much it opens up stories that then others can share and cause. It's amazing when I started talking to people about anxiety and depression, believe me and I was not alone so many people, so many people who were able to relate, people still and this is so encouraging people reach out from across the country, even, and across, even in different countries like Mexico not Mexico, but, as we talked about, mexico is a country.

Speaker 2: 36:34

But, it is, they'll reach out and just share their stories. I had a mom reach out about her teenage son and she said you're the opening of your book. That's exactly what my son's going through. So I think, just then starting to share our stories and in a way, it helps normalize things, it brings it to light. So instead of instead of breathing in darkness and growing in darkness, it comes to light, and so that's something I think about really being able to allow time to be still avoid those distractions. I try to wait. I try to wake up early and just sit at my dining room table. I have my Bible, I have my coffee. Usually it's usually we make sure it's on the timer, so it's already brewed.

Speaker 2: 37:18

But those times you come out you get your cup of coffee, you sit down, I have my journal and I try to just spend time and thought and definitely try not to go to my phone first, because I know there'll be emails, I know there's social media notifications and that just pulls my mind for the day. So I almost like that precious time. Before I word it like this, before you open up to the world. I'm just here, before I start with the world 100%.

Speaker 1: 37:48

I mean, that's literally the concept of my health and fitness program early morning habits that you have starting your day being not doing and especially allowing yourself that rest from the busyness to really allow yourself to feel and identify it and not be afraid of it and ultimately allow the Lord to strengthen you through it. I just want to show you guys, those of you watching, those of you listening you can check out YouTube, but this is the actual like 49 day. There's challenges here. There's places for notes. I don't even know how well my camera's picking that up, but I do love when books are interactive and you can actually have spaces to write notes in. I keep interrupting you, but you can power through the rest of the framework, the pillars, and then, specifically, the challenges for us in them.

Speaker 2: 38:46

So then the empathy when we slow down and we observe the needs of others, we learn to discern the needs. So it really goes in order. We're taking care of ourselves first, we're building our foundation, we're prioritizing getting to know people. As we get to know people, we can better empathize with them because we know where they're coming from. When we know where they're coming from, we can then respond with action. So the next chapter is observe the needs of others and respond with compassion, and I like to think of compassion as empathy in action. And that's where we're actually taking action. And compassion doesn't have to be anything huge. The example of the biblical story I use in there is the Good Samaritan. When a man was beaten and robbed and then you had priests and people of the church cross over to the other side of the road so they wouldn't have to pass him. But then the Good Samaritan sees the need, comes in and takes care of that need. And just how are we doing that in our homes and in our workplaces as well. And, like I said, it doesn't have to be anything huge. Sometimes that can be a hug, sometimes it can be a phone call just checking in on somebody. I like to tell the story.

Speaker 2: 39:58

We were going to Ocean City, new Jersey. We had our car piled up and on the back we had five bikes and we were ready to go and I took a picture of it before we left. We started down the road and I didn't feel right, so I got out and shook it a little bit. I came in, I told Carly, oh, we're good to go, we drive about three more minutes and crack, the bike rack slams to the ground, one of the bikes is destroyed and they're just dragging. And I remember I called my brother-in-law and I said hey, can you come help us get our bikes back to the house. So my brother-in-law and I talk about this.

Speaker 2: 40:32

Sometimes compassion is stopping what we're doing. He stops what he's doing. He comes to see us and then what he does is he gets our bike rack off but he had and puts his bike rack on our car, loads our bikes again and we go on. So not only you know you hear the saying give your shirt off your back. So he gave his bike rack and we went down and the best part of our trip was as a family, just all those different bike rides.

Speaker 2: 41:00

And that's just a small example where, just stopping what you're doing? He could have stopped at just helping us get our bikes back, but nope, he gave us his bike rack and we loaded it up and we headed on. So just having that, just those eyes for others as we go around, what are the needs? I love that. And then it moves into pray and I had a principle I worked with and I kept seeing him writing a little black book and I didn't ask much about it. And then I saw him have what looked like a difficult conversation and we were going to meet to talk about an upcoming faculty meeting and he came back and he wrote in his book and I said can I ask you?

Speaker 1: 41:44

Sounds like a therapy session, I'd be like, ah yeah, what are you?

Speaker 2: 41:48

writing about me. What are you writing in this book? And he held it up and he said every principle needs a little black book. And he said what he does is he has difficult conversations with people and he finds out some of their needs and some of their hurts. He just writes it in his notebook and he uses that. He uses it as a prayer journal. I like to take those things too when I know of certain difficulties and I'll actually put it in my calendar. Even if something happened and it's a year from now or two years, and I'll put it as a reoccurring calendar. Invite.

Speaker 2: 42:20

I can reach out to people and I don't do it to be manipulative. How does he remember, because I think we need to be intentional with that, but he did say he said one of the best ways we can lead people is by what they may never see, and that's praying for people and often praying with people. What I talk about throughout this book is how my eyes were opened up and how people came alongside me and did this in my journey and just lessons I've learned that I can take to others and want to spread to them and their journeys as well. And then we get into the L, and that's where I talk about love and a biblical form of love. Love is patient, love is kind, love is gentle and just walking alongside. Those aren't common words you hear in leadership patient, kind and gentle.

Speaker 2: 43:11

And so it really dives in there, just with how can we show love to others? And then the E is encouraged, and one of my favorite verses is 1 Thessalonians 511, therefore, encourage one another, build each other up, just as in fact you're doing. And in that chapter I share a story about you know how we were just talking about acknowledging our feelings. I don't know if I want to use the word accepting the feelings, but just understanding.

Speaker 1: 43:40

hey, I'm feeling a certain way, yeah, being aware of them, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2: 43:43

So it's not like I don't get anxious anymore. I still get anxious, five times where I feel down, but I still. I just noted like, hey, I'm feeling like this today. I've been there before and I'm able to work through it. So I was meeting with a mentor of mine he's not an education, he's in the business world and has a nonprofit organization and I was talking to him about some upcoming decisions that I felt anxious about and I talk about this in here and he said I want to challenge you to do one thing. I want you to write two letters to yourself as if it's 15 to 20 years from now. One letter looking back, as if it's a letter of regret, like you made poor decisions. Another one as a letter hey, I made the right decisions. And he said I want to add this maybe you want to even write it from the perspective of your kids.

Speaker 2: 44:34

So I went home and there was a time no one, no one. I don't know it was a Sunday evening, but no one was at home. I don't know why, but I sat down and I wrote it from the perspective of my oldest daughter, who was nine at the time, as if she was writing it to me at 29 years old and the letter of regret is her basically saying dad, I love you, but we needed you more. Your mom needed you more, me, elliot and Isaac. We needed you more. I understand you were, there were a lot of people in your life and you were a good dad. But now that I'm grown and married, I don't want my husband to be as absent as you were At times. I know you were trying to physically be home, but you weren't always mentally at home. And then the other letter is a letter of like dad, I just want to thank you for the upbringing.

Speaker 2: 45:26

We had such a wonderful childhood. I know you were always called to many different things, but you were always there for us. You always walked alongside of us and it really talks about that. I wouldn't have told you this growing up, but I want to tell you now. I always wanted to find a husband like you and just even writing those letters was emotional for me. Every time I still look at those letters it's emotional for me. But why I have that in the encourage section? That was shared with me by a mentor, someone who encouraged me, and in there I talk about like Matthew 5, 13 to 16, salt and light being salt and light in the lives of others as we run the race God marked out for us, but just really encouraging people, I mean it's not easy. There's lots of struggles. There's lots of early struggles here that God's using to soften and shape us ultimately for eternity. But that doesn't make it easier in the here and now, and that's why we need to be in community with one another.

Speaker 1: 46:24

Yeah Well, and I think we have this misperception at times and you have laid this out really well that this is not the case. But I think it's easy to feel like we can't be encouraging, we can't be leading, we can't be loving people if we are struggling ourselves. It just is this inherent sense of like. We have to lead from a place of strength which, if we're not careful, actually ends up being from a place of pride, because we think we have to have it all together. But sometimes the greatest encouragement is somebody who is in a position of forward-facing leadership, humble themselves and share the struggle. Sometimes that is in and of itself as encouraging as anything, and I would think the same is true of loving people, which you have made very clear just even in sharing your own stories. But I think it's a challenge for all of us to reexamine how we feel like leadership actually looks in our lives and how we're Encouraging people.

Speaker 2: 47:35

You mentioned David earlier. As you're talking about that, like I've been journaling a lot, like I just started a new journal and I've been really that concept about follow, like following God, and I just I can't keep getting past David and Saul, the humility and pride, because even when Saul sinned he said, oh, I acknowledged I sinned, but basically still make me look good in front of the people and David just like, oh, just pours. The Psalms are so great with David pouring.

Speaker 1: 48:06

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 48:07

Pouring his heart out to God and, as you can see on the cover of that book, is a fruit tree. And it's really. It's really based around John 15.5, where Jesus says I am the vine, you are the branches. If we remain in him we can bear much fruit, but apart from him we can do nothing. So that's really where that fruitful leadership is, the human side of leadership, walking alongside people, remembering it's the people who certainly do make a place special.

Speaker 2: 48:35

I've I left Mannheim Central where I was assistant principal, and I just remember it was so hard to leave, just so it just those people, those connections that you build. You go through so many things day to day you don't even remember, end up remembering those. It was during COVID too, but it's relationships. And then I remember when it was time to say goodbye at Kissel Hill and I I told the staff because it all Kissel Hill was shorter than I expected, with the positioning opening at home, but I remember just seeing their faces and I was just so sad but it was because of hopefully, because I was intentional with relationships and hopefully they felt that too. Just really building that. And that's one of my goals as a school principal to build a culture where it really does feel like a family, where people can bring their struggles. They know people are going to be alongside them to support them. But, like I said, it's but, it's not easy and it's a continued work in progress. We need to give ourselves, give ourselves grace.

Speaker 1: 49:38

Yeah, grace to do it imperfectly, but, as people have heard me say before, imperfect progress is better than no progress at all. So we just step forward, knowing we're not going to do it. Do it perfectly, as always, you guys. The links are in the show notes. Zach, where can people follow you? Learn more about you? Keep an eye out for your next six books.

Speaker 2: 50:04

Yeah, so wwwzachbowermastercom is a great way to connect with me. Different areas up there, whether podcasts I have some leadership blogs, educational blogs. I've also started to solely just one one day a week put out a little devotional, and I also can sell my books through the website. So wwwzachbowermastercom Also on Twitter I guess it's called X Now and Instagram at Z Bower Master, those would be the best places to connect with me.

Speaker 1: 50:35

Well, you guys definitely want to connect with Zach and, like I said, be sure to get this book or if the one on leading with a humble heart, that devotional resonates with you, you definitely want to check them out. I've read both. They're both excellent. Zach, it's so fun to have you again. I'm sure it'll only be short period of time before you're back here with your next book, but it's an honor, as always. I pray God's blessing over your heart, your home, carly, your kids, so grateful for your leadership and the way that the Lord is using you.

Speaker 2: 51:04

Okay, thank you so much. Same to your family as well. You have such a precious family, and thank you for the opportunity here and the platform here to share a little bit of my story.